Friday, February 22, 2013

BOUNDARIES to help "Affair Proof" your marriage

Proverbs 5:7-8 "Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. 8 Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house."

My wife and I have a rule to never be alone with the opposite sex…PERIOD.  Here is the reality…if you want to AFFAIR PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE make a rule never to be alone with the opposite sex.  If you aren't alone together it is pretty hard to have an affair…

This past week, I emailed a several of my pastor friends to ask them what were some of their boundaries when dealing with the opposite sex.  My favorite one came from my friend Jeremy Brown.

“I pretty much assume the Ten Commandments for dealing with the opposite sex:
1. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife
2. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife
3. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife
4. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife
5. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife
6. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife
7. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife
8. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife
9. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife
10. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife"

Isn’t that extreme?  Jeremy doesn’t follow these 10 commandments because he is LEGALISTIC…we are not saying you are sinning if you don’t set these boundaries…we set these boundaries because we LOVE our WIVES and we LOVE our KIDS and we wants to MAKE SURE we are not in a situation to be TEMPTED to do something to wreck the gift God has given us!

How does this play out?

I am not saying never TALK to or WORK with someone of the OPPOSITE SEX besides your spouse… here is how this plays out for me.  

1. I NEVER ride alone with someone of the opposite sex.  Both for temptation and appearances… for example…let’s be honest…if you were sitting at a traffic light and saw a young girl from our church in the passenger seat besides my wife…would you or would you not think twice?  I don’t want to leave any room for people to question my character, my marriage and I don’t want to leave any room for temptation.
2. I NEVER meet alone with someone of the opposite sex.  For example, when I have a meeting with a female I will meet at the office where there are other people, or if we are meeting out somewhere I will take someone else with me to the meeting…worse worse case scenario I will make sure we go somewhere that I know the staff, they know me, and they could vouch for what happened at our meeting.  But never behind a closed door where other people are not present.
3. I NEVER engage in PERSONAL talk with the opposite sex over phone, text, or facebook.  If I talk to a female on the phone…on text…or on facebook I keep it to the point and as professional as possible.  I am not going to be the confidant for a girl and they are not going to be that for me… I meet with a group of four guys every week in a core group for that purpose…if I need advice, prayer, to confess sin…I go to THOSE GUYS!  My wife does the same….she goes to those GIRLS!
4. I ALWAYS tell my wife… if there is ever anything remotely questionable…I TELL MY WIFE!  If I think a girl might even possible have feelings for me …. I TELL MY WIFE.  If a female does anything even remotely inappropriate towards me… I TELL MY WIFE. 

After talking with many friends over the past few weeks and spending a lot of time in the scriptures, I have added a few additional boundaries to give you the following 7 Boundaries:

Suggested BOUNDARIES to AFFAIR PROOF your Marriage
(when dealing with the opposite sex)

1. Never RIDE alone.
2. Never MEET alone.
3. Never ENGAGE in personal conversation over text/email/phone/facebook…etc.
4. Always TELL your spouse at the first inclination someone may have feelings for you.
5. Only COMPLIMENT looks of someone of the opposite sex if one or both spouses are present.
6. Only SPEAK positively about your spouse publicly.
7. Only SHARE marital struggles in private with close friends of the same sex who hold you accountable to being a better spouse and pray for your marriage.

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